Basel Tov Cocktails: The Selectively Unabridged Guide to Art Basel Miami Parties & Assorted Distractions

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Despite a certain orange-tinted apocalyptic vibe in the air that has nothing to do with virus-carrying mosquitoes, the show must go on, and in this case, that show is Art Basel Miami Beach–a misnomer to say the least, considering much of the fair’s official and unofficial events take place off the beach. And about those events, here goes with the annual, unofficial, unending, selectively unabridged list of art-related events, corporate shill-disguised events, and events that have absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with art that you can and can’t get into. Do a shot every time you hear the word “curated,” which has been carefully replaced here with the word “concocted.”

Sunday, November 27

The Setai Miami Beach X Gaetano Pesce: Getting a jump start before the mania, The Setai is kicking off the week with a cocktail party hosted by gallerist Jeanne Greenberg (formerly Rohaytn) and artist Paul Johnson in honor of the multidisciplinary Italian artist Gaetano Pesce, who will debut the centerpiece of his new Tree Vase series. A slew of art world insiders are expected to attend this one, but, alas, you are not. It’s totally private.

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KIWI Arts Group Pop-Up : The museum-style store and gallery at 737 Lincoln Road will be open daily from noon to 10 p.m. through January 1. Here, you won’t have to get a credit check to buy fab art, with normal-priced pop-art presents for purchase ranging from $3 to $50. The store will also feature an exhibition gallery featuring photog William John Kennedy’s collection of images of Andy Warhol and Robert Indiana. New Kennedy images will be release for the first time featuring the legendary Sarah Vaughan, art dealer Holly Solomon and more. Kennedy, a Miami Beach resident, will be shooting and signing Polaroid portraits for a limited number of lucky visitors during the exhibition time.

Whitewaller Miami Kickoff: Whitewall mag hosts an art week kickoff party at EAST, Miami. Private.

Monday, November 28

Life of the Party: Brickell City Centre celebrates its collaboration with United Talent Agency, which will be overseeing music programming for the high end downtown mall as part of the 2017 “Art Programme”, with a live performance by MOTHXR, featuring lead singer and ex Gossip Girl star Penn Badgley. Private.

The Global Rainbow: Miami-based real estate development and capital investment firm Lionheart Capital commissioned NY/Berlin-based visual artist Yvette Mattern to create a large-scale public light installation beginning in the Design District atop the Lionheart office at 4218 NE 2nd Ave. and extending over The Ritz-Carlton Residences, Miami Beach. 4701 Meridian Ave., which, by no coincidence whatsoever was developed by Lionheart. The launch is private, but looking up in the sky from 8 p.m. until midnight through December 3 is totally open to the public.

Shake Shack/Michael Schwartz Mashup: Starting Monday, November 28 and continuing through Sunday, December 4, Miami’s own Michael Schwartz sees what happens when his Harry’s Pizza smushes with Shake Shack to create some very tasty treats including the Harry’s Shorty Burger and the Shack-cago Pizza, available at Shake Shack Coral Gables and Miami Beach and Harry’s Pizzeria in Coconut Grove and the Design District. Has absolutely nothing to do with art, but who cares?

Michelle Bernstein’s Garden Cafe: One of Miami’s very first star chefs Bernstein is back for Basel, running the show at the Garden Cafe at the Miami Beach Botanical Garden from Monday, November 28 through Sunday, December 4.  2000 Convention Center Dr. Hours: Monday 1 p.m. to 5 p.m., Tuesday 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Wednesday through Saturday 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. and Sunday 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.

Tasting Table on the Rooftop at the Gale South Beach: You may as well eat now, because you probably won’t have much time or money to eat later this week, which is why a $45 per person investment in this one is a good one. In addition to a “lavish” buffet and cocktails, there will be interactive stations, one such being one teaching you how to make a smoked Old Fashioned. Artist Stuart Sheldon will be creating art murals while you stuff your face. For tickets, go to https://www.eventbrite.com/e/an-evening-of-food-and-art-presented-by-tasting-table-and-the-lincoln-motor-company-tickets-28540966800.

Georg Jensen x Zaha Hadid Jewelry Collection Party: Zaha Hadid’s untimely passing left a void in the architecture community, but thankfully her legacy lasts in her buildings and, now, a jewelry collection previewing at a private party at Hadid’s One Thousand Museum. Unfortunately, you wont be able to see the jewels until one of your more liquid pals gets their hands on a piece as the party is private.

EDGE Collections’ VIP Opening: A private Perrier-Jouet-sponsored party for EDGE Collections exhibition at The Deck at Island Gardens from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m.

Jordan Sullivan Sunset Picnic Supper: The Standard Spa, 40 Island Ave., hosts a private picnic in celebration of artist Jordan Sullivan’s latest exhibition, “The Divine Nothing.”

Tuesday, November 29

Ocean Drive Magazine’s Art of the Party Hosted by Heidi Klum: Miami’s most looked at slick glossy partners with the fine furniture folks Roche Bobois at their Wynwood warehouse for a big bash hosted by December cover model Heidi Klum, a few Art Basels later and still dating art spawn Vito Schnabel. The party also serves as a kick off for the feature flick Vandal, filming in Wynwood during all this mayhem, and as a celebration for the FURTIF ART PROJECT, a collab by the mag and the furniture peeps to “reimagine the iconic FURTIF desk.”  But not just anyone reimagined this desk. Klum, Venus Williams for her very own V STARR Interiors, godfather of LA street art Kelly “RISK” Graval, Santiago Rubino, TYPOE and AHOL have all done the desks. And they are all available at auction with proceeds going to Lotus House and, if you buy Klum’s desk, to UNICEF. Bids can be placed through December 5 at  https://www.biddingforgood.com/auction/auctionhome.action?vhost=thefurtifartproject. At the party, RISK will create a live graffiti mural, Major Lazer MC Walshy Fire will perform and EFFEN Vodka and STK will inebriate and nourish.  Thing is, the party is private, private private.

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L’Eden by Perrier-Jouët at Casa Faena at the Faena District: Like everything at the Faena during Art Basel, this one is something you probably wont get into unless you are hanging onto the coattails of a member of Madonna’s entourage.In partnership with theatrical director and owner of New York City’s legendary nightclub The Box, Simon Hammerstein, L’Eden by Perrier-Jouët will host three days and nights of celebrity-saturated private lunches, dinners, cocktail parties (50 Golden Years of Wilhelmina on Wednesday night, for example) and late night romps, none of which you are invited to. The opening night party is hosted by Vanity Fair mag. Sarah Jessica Parker, former Victoria’s Secret Angel Karolina Kurkova and actress Sasha Lane are scheduled to attend, as well as other arty types including Derek Blasberg, Stella Schnabel, Ann Dexter-Jones, among others.

Actually we lied. Not everything at Faena is V-V-V-VIP. If you happen to be in town from 3 p.m. to 6 p.m. Sunday, November 27, head there to catch Tide by Side, a processional directed by Claire Tancons in collaboration with Gia Wolff and Arto Lindsay and featuring local and international artists, float-like piñatas and pelicans, a conga in reverse, an intricate food ceremony with a menu drawn from seven of South Florida’s historic staples (maize, sweet potato, pineapple, palm cabbage, conch, turkey, alligator), food trucks, and a soundtrack by Arto Lindsay featuring conch-shell players, rah-rah bands, steel-drum groups, marching bands, as well as classical and pop choirs and operatic singing.

And, from 5 p.m. to midnight November 29-December 3, Bombay Sapphire presents the Night Market at Pao by Paul Qui, a Southeast Asian-style night market with menus from 5 different chefs–Qui, Edward Lee, Christopher Haatuft, Eric Bruner-Yang, and John Fraser. There will also be neon art by Tracey Ermin. There are also indoor seated dinners by each of the chefs serving a four-course menu for $175 per person. Qui cooks on November 29, but that’s private. Lee cooks on November 30, Haatuft on December 1, Bruner-Yang on December 2 and December 3 is TBD. For tickets go to https://paofaenamiami.tocktix.com.

Soho House Kick-Off Party with White Cube: Celebrating the opening of the most colorful tent since Ringling Bros., Soho Beach House teams with Jay Jopling’s White Cube gallery in London for a big party honoring artist Anselm Kiefer and featuring free-flowing Moet and a live performance by a yet-to-be-named artist.  You’ll have an easier time getting into Tr**p’s cabinet in DC than this or any Soho House parties. Godspeed.

RGA Rocket/Wallpaper Opening: Wallpaper mag and architect Rene Gonzalez host an opening party for a design exhibition at the site of a swanky new crib the architect is working on. Performance artist Joseph Keckler will present a ‘site specific’ work/ Party is private but the exhibition, RGA Rocket: A New Platform for Design will be open to the public from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. Wednesday through Sunday.

Flaunt/DePury De Pury/Goga Ashkenazi Presents Weather Patterns: A video exhibition slash party at the New World Center Performance Hall featuring Marina Abramović, Doug Aitken, Ed Atkins, Darren Almond, Heike Baranowsky, Jon Horowitz, Antti Laitinen, Jon Rafman, Rachel Rose, Tomas Saraceno, Fiona Tan, and Wolfgang Tillmans, with a performance by bionic artist Viktoria Modesta, and an installation by Hossein Rezvani. Private.

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Audemars Piguet Opening Party for Sun Xun’s Reconstruction of the Universe:  One of China’s most talented rising young artists will be feted at this grand opening party at the stunning oceanfront space between 21st and 22nd Streets featuring a live performance and “sound experience” by Martin Solveig. Private party but the installation, best seen at night, is open the public from 5-10 p.m. between Dec 1-3.

Gary Nader Art Centre Opening Night Reception: Gary Nader’s Wynwood gallery, 62 NE 27th St. is having a party and art auction of Latin American, modern and contemporary art to benefit the Nader Art Museum Latin America. An opening reception for Wilfredo Lam: Blurring Boundaries and Rena Effendi’s The Crossing Point coincide. Opening night is private but the exhibits are free and open to the public from 10 a.m. to 6 pm. Nov. 29-Dec. 15.

Gilt Lounge at Scope Miami Beach: Now through December 4, Gilt and Gilt City Miami are throwing an indoor/outdoor pop-up lounge at SCOPE Miami Beach with a series of interactive fitness and beauty experiences plus “riveting panel discussions” with food, booze and happy hours from 6 p.m. t0 8 p.m. daily. Guest speakers include Sex & The City designer and White Dot Gallery exhibitor Patricia Field (See December 1 events below), bike entrepreneur Lorenzo Martone, artist Shantell Martin and Hermès VP Olivier Pechou. While the opening night party is private, tickets are for sale to all the events in the lounge at http://gi.lt/2gerbVz.

Armarium Pop-Up: The good thing about Art Basel in Miami is that you really can get away wih wearing anything and appearing remotely artsy even if it’s the tattered pajamas you passed out in last night. But for those who feel the need to be a bit more fashion victimy, Armarium, the luxe clothing and accessories rental is popping up in The Tiger Room at The Raleigh , 1775 Collins Ave. from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. November 29 through December 3.

Basement 2-Year Anniversary Party Hosted by The Haas Brothers: Art world it-boys, Texas twins Nikolai and Simon Haas host the second birthday of Miami Beach celeb hot spot Basement with sounds by Thugfucker, Doc Martin, Nicolas Matar and Ahmed Hashim. Guest list is based on availability but you can try your best by emailing Reservations@BasementMiami.com.

Wynwood Walls Fear Less Opening Night Party: The spot of a zillion selfies shuts down to the public for a VIP party celebrating artists including AVAF, Audrey Kawasaki, Case, David Choe, Findac, Risk, Tatiana Suarez and more.  Private, but good news is that it opens to the public at 11 p.m..

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Lingerie Francaise Launch Party: While. during Art Basel the word ‘unmentionables’ may pertain more to a Kardashian-type, when it comes to this one, it’s all about the underwear. The Association for the Promotion of Corsetry Industries is bringing a retrospective covering 150+ years of French lingerie to the Sagamore. “Set to be the most seductive exhibition of the year,” Lingerie Francaise is open to the public through December 6, but the launch party is private.

Nautilus Cabana Beach Club Tent: Presented by NYC hot spot Up & Down, this 11 p.m. and on late night hangout is being billed as “the ideal hideaway for celebrities.” That means you can’t get in. But have until December 3 to try.

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Up & Down ABMB Pop Up at Nautilus: NYC hot spot Up& Down emerges at the Beach Tent at Nautilus, 1825 Collins Ave. with a very hard to get into pop-up running from 11 p.m until “late” now through Saturday, December 3. Good luck.

Wednesday, November 30

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HIVE at Mana Wynwood: A five-day pop-up extravaganza open to the public through December 4, HIVE is where the hipsters who  have no use for celebrities and pretentious art poseurs, uh, swarm during this frantic week. In addition to a Sculpture Garden Lounge featuring eclectic sculptures and outdoor art installations, there is also booze! The Behind the Bar Series, is a lounge and extensive cocktail bar featuring live demonstrations from Miami’s mix masters who will show you how to prepare delicious boozy creations in your own home. There’s even a Hendrick’s Gin Pop-Up through December 4.  The Art of Craft mixology competition on Sunday, December 4th feature a fierce competition between bartenders from Miami’s favorite watering holes–Nicholas Mantzaridis from Beaker & Gray, Roberto Calderon from Finka Table + Tap, Eleftherios “Lef” Kraounakis from Copper 29, Leo Holtzman from SoCal Cantina, Brian Canales from Bitter Truth, and Bill Thompson from The Local. New this year: “Infinity Plaza”, a pop-up skate park by artist Andrew Schoultz. Open Nov. 30th – Dec. 4th, 2016, Wed. Nov 30th: 4pm- 1am, Thurs. Dec. 1: 4pm – 3am, Fri. Dec 2: 3pm – 3am, Sat. Dec 3: noon – 3am, Sun. Dec 4: noon – 9pm. For more information, go to www.hivewynwood.com  Photo/Julia Rose (Photo is from last year, so ignore the dates).

Open Worlds: Art in the Age of Interactivity: Video game purveyor Take-Two Intereactive will bring the art, gaming and entertainment worlds together in a peanut butter and chocolate kind of way with a fab kickoff party slash panel hosted by Take-Two Chairman and CEO Strauss Zelnick and featuring designer Virgil Abloh, artist Daniel Arsham, actress Rosario Dawson and filmmaker Dan Trachtenberg at the Oceanfront Miami Beach Audemars Piguet Art Commission Site between 21st and 22nd Streets. Private.

SCAD at Miami x Visionaire Dinner: The Savannah College of Art and Design (SCAD) heads South with SCAD AT MIAMI, showcasing the work of international artists as well as SCAD students and alumni. Celebrating this satellite with a very private dinner at 1601 N. Miami Ave. is Visionaire co-founders Cecilia Dean and James Kaliardos.

Rudolf Budja Gallery Grand Opening: Russell Simmons and artist Sean Ritchwood join gallerist Rudolf Budja for the grand opening of his Purdy Ave. gallery. Limited space, but RSVP to RudolfBudjaGallery@me.com.

Design Escape at Ironside: Open to the public from 6 p.m. to 10 pm. between 7500 to 7800 NE 4th Court and serving as a “home for art and design connoisseurs to break from the mayhem with shopping, dining, bocce, art viewing and more.”

Basel House: From 4 p.m. to 5 a.m. November 30th and from noon to 5 a.m. on December 1-4 at Midtown’s brand new bar Bitter Truth, 3252 NE 1st Ave., the free and open to the public Basel House will host a slew of events showcasing local and global artists. Among them, Jay Valor, Chantil Dukart, TWYN, Speakea5y, MRKI, Electric Kif, Tricia Dade, ArtOfficial, DJ Cami, DJ Rob Lowe (not that one), Michelangelo, and Keith Johns. Live performances include a cake decorating battle with cakes by Lola the Baker, known best for her beer and whiskey infused twists on classic sweets, live painting and more. For schedules and more info, go to www.baselhouse.com.

The Surf Lodge Bungalow Experience: Montauk hot spot sets up shop at the W South Beach with some swell parties and dinners, most to which you can not get into. First up in the bungalow: a screening of Nocturnal Animals starring Jake Gyllenhaal and Amy Adams. While those two aren’t confirmed to appear, we do have confimations from the likes of Rosario Dawson and A$AP Rocky, with more to come as the week goes on. Following the flick is a dinner hosted by Gregory Siff followed by a late night party with Cultured Magazine. 

Modern ŌM’s Mindful Moments: Mindfulness is being taught to children in schools to make them kinder and gentler. So before you try to claw your way into Soho House, consider trying to catch the wave of mindfulness as Modern ŌM, or, as we like to call them Chakra Khan, heads to Design Miami, the Surf Lodge, and MOCA with guided meditations and much needed Art Basel Zen. Times vary, but they will be at MOCA, 770 NE 125th St. from December 1 -3, and at Design Miami from 5 p.m. to 5:20 on Saturday, December 3.

Havana Nights at Regent Cocktail Club: From 5 p.m. to 2 a.m. just sit back and drink instead of chasing the party. The bar is open to the public sans douchey doorman. 1690 Collins Ave.

Hihaven Lodge & Paddle8 Lunch: Private lunch at Soho Beach House tent with Miami movie guy slash whiskey purveyor Brett Ratner, along with Paddle8 founder Alexander Gilkes, digital media honcho Thomas Hesse and the jet setty photog and art collector Jean Pigozzi. There, in between sips of Ratner’s whiskey and food for those who eat, they will celebrate Paddle8’s sale of works from Ratner’s very own Hilhaven Lodge in Beverly Hills, 90210.

DuJour Party at The Confidante with Kris Jenner: Because nothing says a piece of work more than the Mama Hen of Kardashians, DuJour Media’s Jason Binn, Gilt’s Jonathan Greeler, JetSmarter and InList have decided to kick off Art Basel with a big private party at The Confidante Hotel celebrating its cover star, Jenner, and the release of All-American XVI by Nan Bush and Bruce Weber. Unless you’re Jonathan Cheban, you’re not getting in.

A Little Bird Told Me Pop Up Bar: Absolut Elyx hosts a pop up bar in the lobby of the Miami Beach Edition from 4 p.m. to midnight through December 4. There you will get to imbibe in a 45-minute cocktail tasting menu that “will challenge and expand the perception of fine cocktails and progressive drinking experiences.” Tables can be booked by emailing RSVP@elyxhouse.com beginning on November 26.

The Journey to Discover the World’s Best Gin & Tonic: A Bombay Sapphire/AC Hotels collab hosted by photog Nigel Barker, who, from 6 p,m. to 8 p.m. at a private party will unveil “the world’s first Gin & Tonic glass.” 2912 Collins Ave.

Alex Katz X H&M Launch: Celebrating the mashup between artist Alex Katz and H&M, this private party at The Tropicale at The Edition Hotel Miami Beach will feature special performances.

Perrier ARTXTRA Reveal and Cocktail Party with Interview Magazine: The effervescent water brand has gotten into the arts with a new initiative supporting emerging contemporary artists who will present an interactive installation series at Nautilus South Beach. Performing live are brother/sister band Wild Belle and DJ NAR. Private at Cabana Club Beach Tent.

IVY Artist Talk with Zhou Yinghua, aka Michael Chow: From 6 p.m. to 9 p.m., Michael Chow, the man best known as the face and name behind chichi Chineserie Mr. Chow, will have an art presentation in the Nautilus South Beach Bridge Room along with pre and post reception in the Lobby Bar. The in depth discussion will be moderated by NSU Art Museum Fort Lauderdale Director and Chief Curator, Bonnie Clearwater. Chow’s true passion, we’re told, are not spring rolls but painting. Hear all about it with RSVP to RSVP@Ivy.com.  His restaurant at the W South Beach must have been booked.

LIV/STORY Art Basel Lineup: Don’t blame it on the sunshine, don’t blame it on the good times, don’t blame it on the moonlight, blame it on the boogie, especially after you see the EDM giants spinning at LIV and STORY, starting Wednesday night with Kaskade and Virgil Abloh. On Thursday, December 1, it’s Calvin Harris at LIV; Martin Garrix spins Friday at LIV and Hardwell at STORY; on Saturday it’s Skrillex at LIV and Music On Basel Edition at STORY featuring Marco Carola and Hugo Bianco; and last, but not least, DJ Khaled closes out the weekend Sunday at LIV. For ticket info, go to livnightclub.com or storynightclub.com.

Mayer Hawthorne at The Anderson: Grammy-nominated DJ will spin a set at 11 p.m. 709 NE 79th St. Open to the public with RSVP to theanderson@workshopcollective.com.

Cool Down at FDR: A three night DJ residency inspired by MoMA PS1’s Warm up in NYC, this one will feature SHYBOY and DJ Haram of the female DJ collective Discwoman on Wednesday, a tribute to the KW Institute for Contemporary Art’s Pogo Bar on Thursday, and the official after party for MoMA PS1’s private pool bash with cult menswear label Hood by Air, hosted by artist Jacolby Satterwhite on Friday. Admission to these are, we’re told, by “doorman discretion,” which is another way of saying, ‘sorry, your not on the list.’

III Points Concert Series with James Blake: From November 30 through December 4, Miami’s music, art and technology mashup has an impressive roster of headliners performing, starting with James Blake at 10 p.m. Wednesday, November 30 at Magic City Studios, 6301 NE 4th Ave. Joining Blake are 1-800 Dinosaur labelmates Airhead, Dan Foat, Klaus and Mr. Assister. Those who are buying tickets to this know who they are. Tickets are $25 to $40 and available at http://bit.ly/2fe54Qz.

Resident Advisor Party: Floating Points (real name: Sam Shepherd) is not just an electronic musician, but also a neuroscientist. Take that every other DJ out there with an iPad. He, along with DâM Funk, and special guest The Black Madonna, will headline a III Points event at The Factory at Magic City Studios, 6301 NE 4th Ave. Doors open at 10 p.m. Tickets available at https://www.residentadvisor.net/event.aspx?887691.

Thursday, December 1

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Latin Night Hosted by Cheech Marin: When they go low, he goes high, and so will you if you are lucky enough to attend what may be Art Basel’s most uplifting event. Marin, it seems, has a passion for Chicano art and he also loves Mezcal. Killing two birds with one stoner, heh, Marin chose this week to launch his line of Tres Papalote Mezcal from 8 p.m. to 10 p.m. at TFAPOPUP, 255 NW 23rd. St. Besides cocktails, there will be hors d’oeuvres and an art performance by Michelle Lopez. Open to the public. If you can’t make this one, Marin heads to the L Bar at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino from 8 p.m. to 10 p.m. Saturday, December 3 for  A Night of Drinks & Art, during which time he will discuss his own art collection while sculptor Einar De La Torre, creator of the Tres Papalote label design, will exhibit glass sculptures from his current Miami exhibition. Both events are open to the public, so just show up.

7th Annual Bombay Sapphire Artisan Series Finale Party with Russell and Danny Simmons: The Simmons brothers and their celeb pals get together at the 1111 Lincoln Road garage for a VIP, invitation only party celebrating the 16 finalists of the RUSH Philanthropic Arts Foundation and booze brand’s Artisan Series before one big winner is crowned, winning the opportunity to work with NY-based non profit arts organization Creative Time in a public arts project unveiled in Spring 2017. Music by Jermaine Dupri. Earlier in the night is another private party slash live auction benefiting Rush Philanthropic with the Simmons Bros., hotelier Sam Nazarian and developer Jorge Perez at the SLS Brickell.

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Perrier Jouet By Night at ORA: The opening night of South Beach’s most evolved, anticipated night spot is a private party for PJ champagne.

Harif Guzman Achilles Armor, A Mother’s Love: Brittny Gastineau hosts and ILoveMakonnen spins as EAST, Miami celebrates the unveiling of Harif Guzman’s exhibition from 7 p.m to 10 p.m. Private.

Employees Only Pop Up: In advance of its Miami debut at the Washington Park Hotel, 1050 Washington Ave., NYC cocktail bar Employees Only will host a pop up on the lawn of its new home from 5 p.m. to 10 p.m. Thursday and Friday.  There will be fortune tellers and DJs. You can probably get in.

Another Fancy Dinner at The Surf Lodge Bungalow You Can’t Go To: This one, hosted by Gianni Agnelli grandscion, former Fiat CEO and Italia Independent‘s Lapo Elkann, Matt Chevallard of Del Toro shoes and Jayma Cardoso of The Surf Lodge, celebrates collaborations with artists Katherine Bernhardt and Eduardo Sarabia and the release of limited edition Italia Independent x The Surf Lodge sunglasses.

Dolce Vita with Design Duo Yabo Pushelberg: A private party for the unveiling of Yabo Pushelberg’s latest collab with Henge furniture in the Design District.

Charliewood: Paris-based artist Charlie Le Mindu takes over the Faena Theater for a 1-hour “Risque revue” hosted by Ladyfag and featuring dancers from the legendary Crazy Horse and a “thrilling special performance by infamous ‘terrorist drag queen’ Christeene.” Invite only.

Eddy Bogaert at Rec Room: NYC artist Eddy Bogaert will perform a 3D art show to the tunes of DJs Mikealis, Patrick Pizzorni, Irene Pardo and MXMS. 5 p.m. to 11 p.m. RSVP at galehotelartbasel@gmail.com, though it does not guarantee admission. At 11 p.m. the place opens up for Half/Full dance party hosted by the ubiquitous Flo Rida, with live beats by rapper Goldlink and a “surprise snack ” (pizza) served at 2 a.m. That one’s free and open to the public. 1690 Collins Ave.

Ivy Art Basel Cocktail Party: Hosted by the “social university” Ivy, this party at the newly opened NOBU Hotel, 4525 Collins Ave. will feature four hundred “young art collectors and enthusiasts” along with all sorts of media types, art types and probably party crashers from 7 p.m. to 10 p.. Those there can buy limited edition Bradley Theodore prints. Theodore has been described as “Jean-Michel Basquiat meets Banksy,” so this can be a good opportunity to buy something potentially valuable for a change–that is, if you can even get in in the first place.

Hennessy V.S.’s Project Wild Rabbit Gallery: The booze brand’s 5th collaboration with NYC’s Pratt Institute, Project Wild Gallery is a one night only arty affair at The Market Gallery, 1420 Alton Rd. Miami Beach, featuring masterpieces by 10 Pratt students who will be judged by Nas (who may show up), Ryan McGinness, Futura and Kadir Nelson.  8 p.m. Private.

Life and Death at Little River Studios: Although it sounds like a Dateline episode, this III Points event going from  8 p.m. to 8 a.m. at 300 NE 71st St. is a mod squad music marathon that promises to “push new boundaries in an immersive environment with over four rooms.” Artists include: Âme, Damian Romero, Dj Tennis, Dorisburg, Job Jobse, Hernan Cayetano, HVOB , Prins ThomasTaimur Agha & Fahad, and The Wizardry featuring DJ ThreeDamian Lazarus and Dj Tennis.  Tickets available at https://www.residentadvisor.net/event.aspx?873429

Absolut ELYX Charity Event: Held at the Nautilus South Beach, this one features the charity Water for People, a non profit working with nine countries to bring safe water and sanitation to over 4 million people, hosted by our favorite alcoholic water, Absolut ELYX, for a night of goodwill along with online auction house Paddle8, gallerist Sean Kelly and Absolut ELYX CEO Jonas Tåhlin. DJ Mia Moretti spins and artist Hugo McCloud will unveil a painting created to raise funds for the charity via Paddle8.  6 p.m. to 9 p.m. Private.

12 Hours of NAAFl: The Red Bull Music Academy presents this 12-hour marathon, a “merging of art and music,” taking place from 5 p.m. to 5 a.m. at Coyo Taco’s Wynwood location. The whole thing was concocted by Mexico City-based dance music label NAAFl. Along with the music, Mexico City-based art duo SANGREE will make their Miami debut. Open to the public with RSVP here.

Art Basel Cities: Buenos Aires: BA Mayor Horacio Rodriguez Larreta hosts a cocktail party in the Miami Beach Botanical Gardens celebrating the fact that the Argentine city is the first partner city on the Art Basel Cities series. The party, from 3 p.m. to 4:30 p.m. follows the AB Salon Talk, “The Future of Buenos Aires’ Cultural Landscape” and is free with RSVP to buenosaires@gmail.com.

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Boyfriend & Her Rap Cabaret: For one night only, the “mysterious, raunchy feminist”, so says NPR, will perform her “endearingly weird,” according to Paper Magazine, Rap Cabaret at 11 p.m. at The Anderson, 709 NE 79th St. Open to the public with RSVP to theanderson@workshopcollective.com.

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Bag Collector–A Shoppable Exhibit: For those who prefer bags to paintings, photography and avant garde art featuring the pubes of a crazy old person, Consign of the Times, 1935 West Ave., Miami Beach, is hosting a fabulous Art Basel pop-in (we love that as opposed to the tired ‘pop-up'”) featuring a slew of fab handbags as art for sale from 10 a .m. to 8 p.m. now through December 4

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Patricia Field ARTFASHION: The designer best known for her work on Sex and The City is doing Art Basel in her own fashion, literally, with a gallery exhibition and shop, featuring a –wait for it–curated selection of painted clothing, sculpture, photography and paintings by “am exclusive group of artists” as well as an Art Bazaar that displays [Field’s] frisky philosophy and style. Lady Bunny DJs.  Opening night party and runway presentation start at 7 p.m. at White Dot Gallery, 2245 NW 2nd Ave. RSVP to PatriciaField@Taraink.com .

Moschino Dinner at the Delano: Private “dining event,” sorry.

Maurice Renoma Cocktail Party at The National Hotel: Free and open to the public, this one will celebrate the exhibition of 100 photos of adored French designer/photog Maurice Renoma. The exhibit, in collaboration with Markowicz Fine Art will run in the hotel’s lobby and Cabana Suite through April 30. The party, 7 p.m. to 10 p.m., will offer cocktails and a meet-and-greet with Renoma. RSVP to RCastro@TheDanaAgency.com.

Resounding Subtleties: As oxymoronic as the name may be during this week especially, a party celebrating the works of eight Colombian artists at the Museo Vault Exhibition Space, 346 NW 29th St. takes place from 5 p.m. to 8 p.m. Party is private, but exhibition is on view December 1 through 3 from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m.

Young Thug, Shlohmo, Nick Leon and INDIGOCHILDRICK at Magic City Studios: To those who think Kanye West is nothing more than another word for feminine hygiene product, consider this III Points-presented avant garde hip hop show for a glimpse into true talent. 7 p.m. Magic City Studios, 6301 NE 4th Ave. Tickets are available at http://bit.ly/2fxeLs3.

LIFEWTR: Virgil Abloh, American creative designer and the founder of the Milan-based fashion label Off-White, spins at this party hosted by W and Instagram duo Aureta Thomollari and Jordan Watson of Love.Watts in honor of LIFEWTR: “a new platform for creativity and inspiration.” Party is private and in the Design District.

1 Oak ABMB Pop-Up at Rockwell: NYC’s 1 Oak sets up shop at Rockwell, 743 Washington Ave. from 11 p.m. until “late” now through December 3.

Friday, December 2

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Madonna! Unless you’ve got $5,000 or more for a ticket, the closest you will get to Madonna’s Raising Malawi benefit at Faena with Chris Rock, Ariana Grande, Madonna’s one true love, Sean Penn, and emcee James Corden, is on the pop icon’s overly generous social media channels. But you can always try. Email Reservations@RaisingMalawiEvent.com.

Raspoutine Paris Party at ORA: Another private one at the newly opened hot spot featuring Raspoutine Paris’s resident DJ Fabrice Dayan and Lio Ibiza resident Jean-Claude Ades with Wild Belle in the upstairs “Anti-Social” room, a room many of us, ahem, would like to hide out in over the coming week.

b9ff34f5-2e95-474c-97ac-b6ed9c2ea4af.jpgParis Hilton Spins at WALL: A throwback to the days when the heiress was more famous than her former BFF KK. You can get in. To WALL, that is.

A$AP Rocky and Rosario Dawson Dinner at Surf Lodge Bungalow: Ha. As if. Private.

50 Parties Ryan McGinness Book Launch Party: From June 2009 to June 2010, McGinness hosted 50 parties in his studio in downtown Manhattan. He made a book out of it. The Standard Spa celebrates it with a private party from 9 p.m. to midnight.

Girl Talk: An Art Basel Lounge Experience: It’s Oprah meets Basel with panel discussions such as “You’re Only As Successful As Your Alignment,” and “Purpose & Profits: How Women Entrepreneurs Are Making Money While Making the World A Better Place,” and kumbaya moments powered by Tssama Juice, Cambria Estate Winery and hair and makeup touch ups by PRIV. Wynwood Warehouse Project, 450 NW 27th St. Friday open from 2 p.m. to 8 p.m, Saturday and Sunday noon to 6 p.m. Open to the public with RSVP to http://girltalklounge.com.

Canvas and Canere Celebration at Regent Cocktail Club: Open to the public and free, this one features music by Patrick and The Swayzees and live art installations by Ruste Khaminov, Aleksandra Stojonoska, Liza Begrgren and Adriana Hernandez. 8 p.m. 1690 Collins Ave.

New York New York Group at Rec Room: “Another epic night of party jams, signature cocktails and good company,” they say. Open and free. 11 p.m. 1690 Collins Ave.

Elisabetta Fantone/CORUM Watch Collab Party: Canadian artist Fantone, a fave amongst celebs including Celine Dion and, choke, the Kardashians, exhibits her new collection, Imaginibus at 277 NW 26th St. Fantone has also collaborated with luxe watch manufacturer CORUM and will debut her “Bubble” watch at a party starting at 8 p.m. and featuring music by Guys on the Couch. Open to the public with RSVP to RCastro@thedanaagency.com.

Bootsy Bellows at E11EVEN Miami: Hollywood nightclub Bootsy Bellows appears at the randy 24/7 hotspot with Tyga, DJ (not New England Patriots player) Devin Lucien, who, along with actor Balthazar Getty and DJ Fred Matters, will spin, and hosted by LA artist Jared Ryan Shaw. You can get in if you make it rain. Go to www.11miami.com/artbasel for more information.

Billboard Magazine Performance at Nautilus Cabana Club Beach Tent: Not to be outdone by Madonna, Billboard is presenting a “special performance” by a surprise artist, which wouldn’t be such a surprise if it was Pitbull. The only hint we were given was that it’s “an artist with a song in the Billboard top 100 chart (currently in top 10).” 9 p.m. to 11 p.m. Private. About that surprise: Rae Sremmurd will perform their No. 1 single “Black Beatles.” They will also be at E11EVEN Miami on Saturday, December 3.

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Todd Terje at The Factory: Norwegian electro pop/Euro house DJ, songwriter and producer Terjge, aka TEED,  returns to Miami after four years to spin a III Points-hosted show at The Factory at  Magic City Studios, 6301 NE 4th Ave. Oh, and he’s also selling underwear. Yep. Underwear. Doors open at 10 p.m. Tickets are available at http://bit.ly/2fdPQLi

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Oceana Bal Harbour Art Collection Unveiling w/ Jeff Koons: Billionaire developer and art collector Eduardo Costantini will host artist Jeff Koons at his swanky Oceana Bal Harbour for the unveiling of the property’s impressive collection including Koons’ Pluto & Proserpina and Ballerina. Saving you the Google search, in May of this year, Costantini spent $15.7 million for a Diego Rivera original setting a world record for any Latin American work of art–a bargain compared to the cost of Oceana’s residences, which go for as much as $33 mil. Party is from 7 p.m. to 10 p.m. and completely private unless you plan to buy a pad there. Come with cash.

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Art Basel Conversations and Salon on ‘Post-Election Art Market’: This one’s pretty timely and features, conveniently,   patron of contemporary art, DC lobbyist and former sister-in-law of Hillary Clinton’s campaign chair John,  Heather Podesta, among others. 1 p.m. to 2 p.m. in Hall C of the Convention Center. Free and open to the public.

MORE IS MORE: A Wolfsonian Art Basel Miami Beach VIP Party:  A private party featuring artist Christie van der Haak, who will stage a “transformative architectural intervention” by wrapping the museum’s facade and lobby with tapestry and batik-inspired patterns to the tunes of Michael Arenella and the Dreamland Orchestra.Open to the public.

YoungArts x Pulse Closing Party at The Confidante: You’re young and you like art, but alas, you can’t get in to this one either.

10 Years Diynamic: Diynamic,celebrates its 10-year label anniversary with a III Points party 10 p.m. at Magic City Studios, 6301 NE 4th Ave. After spending the summer celebrating all over Europe to a sold-out crowds, those who make up this Diynamic family (names that sounds like something out of the mouth of SNL icon Stefon: Solomun, Adriatique, Kollektiv, Turmstrasse, Stimming, Marmon and Magdalena) will come together for a rare Miami show. Tickets are available at https://www.residentadvisor.net/event.aspx?882044https://www.residentadvisor.net/event.aspx?882044.

POPCHART: The Anderson’s Friday night party features a live performance by The Skins from 10 p.m. until 1 a.m. Lolo will spin from 1 a.m. on.  709 NE 79th St.

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Brazilian LSD at the Wynwood Yard: Say what? Well, sort of. Little Haiti’s Afrogalactic/tropidelic band the Nag Champayons are celebrating their new single and debut video of that same sensory-altering name with a party and performance starting at 10 p.m. at 56 NW 29th St. Open to the public no cover.

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Carole Feuerman/Punch& Pie Cocktail Party: Sculptor Carole Feuerman returns to The National Hotel with her sculpted swimmers and divers and such, and, from 7 p.m. to 10 p.m. with Logan Ronkainen, NYC bartender and founder of the Wednesday night cocktail, pizza & music night Punch & Pie at Il Mulino NYC, who will be shaking and stirring “artist inspired cocktails. Open to the public.

Saturday, December 3

Saturday Brunch at Sagamore: Shovel crepes into your mouth along with the rest of the tired and hungry art world as six female street artists demonstrate their talents, dancers dance, poets wax poetic, and pianists piano. Private.

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Brandon Boyd at Scope Art Fair, 2015
(Photo: Justin Wysong)

Brandon Boyd Print Release and Signing: Brandon Boyd is most widely known as the lead singer and lyricist multi-platinum selling and internationally recognized rock band, Incubus. But off stage, Boyd is also an accomplished visual artist and the author of three books:  White Fluffy Clouds (2003), From the Murks of the Sultry Abyss (2007), and So The Echo, (2013). In other words, he is a true arteeest. He has shown his visual work extensively on an international platform and will participate in Art Week Miami for his second year, this time exhibiting with Los Angeles gallery KM Fine Arts at Art Miami Fair. Brandon will be present at the fair intermittently throughout the week and will also have a print release & signing at MANA Contemporary, 318 NW 23rd St. in Wynwood in conjunction with 1xRun on Saturday, at 3 p.m. December 3 . It’s open to the public. For more information on the multi-talented Boyd, go to www.brandonboyd.me.

WLN Radio Pool Party at The Confidante: from noon till 10 p.m. there’s a pool party that you may be able to get into because it’s at the “Doorman’s discretion” whether you are worthy or not.

IMG_7995.PNGDiddy’s Art Basel Extravaganza: The OG of Miami’s celeb parties, Diddy is back, this time at The Deauville Beach Resort, performing at a 1 p.m. to 8 p.m. pool party Sunset Jam featuring “special guests.” Pre-sale tickets are $65 at https://squareup.com/store/diddy-art-basel.

SCOPE Art Show Official Celebration: Fool’s Gold presents the private party at Ora featuring Theophilus London plus Nick Hook with a live performance by Kissey.

Treats Magazine Party at Ora: After SCOPE vacates the premises, another private party takes place at the just opened Ora, with Hwood Group’s Blind Dragon and Five Four with booze by Absolut ELYX. Art concocted by Powerhouse, Philippe Guggenheim featuring Laura Kimpton, Retna and Nelson Saier.

Wilmer Valderrama Hosts INC’s Men’s Night Out: The inexplicably lucky with the ladies man hosts INC’s Men’s Night Out party in The Oasis at The Raleigh Hotel. Private unless you’re Lindsay Lohan, Demi Lovato or one of the other thousands of women the That 70’s Show actor has reportedly courted.

An Evening of Art, Beauty and Luxury: The Macallan and Worth Group throw a private party at Miami Ironside with live art experience by Ron Burkhardt and free drams of scotch. Nice if you can get it, but you can’t so move on.

The Future Archives Party: From 2 p.m. until 7 p.m., Skate Free, a Miami-based nonprofit leading the effort to develop free public skate parks and programs in underserved areas of the city, hosts a big party with all girl skate crew Brujas leading the open skate. Music is by designer Virgil Abloh and Philippa Price, the director of Rihanna’s much-talked about Brit Awards performance, will be doing a video installation. Event is open to the public with RSVP at http://futurearchiv.es/rsvp and free with donations encouraged to Skate Free.

Soul Lullaby: Lisa S. Johnson Gallery 88 Party: Johnson, photog  and author of 108 Rock Star Guitars, partnered with Gallery 88 to showcase three of her huge rock star portraits of Jimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton and Lou Reed. Party is private. 237 20th St. Miami Beach.

Skott Marsi After Party on the Rooftop at the Gale: Following his installation at the Regent Cocktail Club, the Miami street artist will be feted at a private party on the roof.

YogArt Basel: Before you throw a hissy fit because you haven’t been able to see a damn piece of art or a real life celebrity, just say ohm and breathe at The Sacred Space, 105 NE 24th St., at 10 a.m. Saturday and Sunday for yoga, art, music, healthy food and drink. Open to the public with tickets available at yogartevent.com.

Soho House Tent Closing Party with Rhonda International: You couldn’t get in all week and you certainly won’t be getting in to this one, a collab with LA nightlife institution A Club Called Rhonda and featuring Felix da Housecat, Tensnake and Goddollars & Paradise.

Private Bon Jovi Concert for SiriusXM: In celebration of the launch of the limited-run Bon Jovi Radio, the satellite radio giant is throwing an invitation-only concert in a top secret location. “We’ve played this album for four audiences so far and the response has been really gratifying,” said Jon Bon Jovi. “These songs are our real stories set to music and they’ve been welcomed as instant classics. I’m looking forward to the opportunity to play an intimate set in Miami before SiriusXM subscribers where we will mix in these new songs with our hits before we hit the road on tour next February and to hearing these songs on Bon Jovi Radio.” Not invited? The show will air on Bon Jovi Radio through December 4. Bon Jovi Radio will return to Sirius in February when the band kicks off its “This House Is Not For Sale” Tour.

Antonio Dominguez de Haro/Romero Britto Collab Launch Party at Four Seasons: What is and what isn’t art will be a big discussion this week, but not necessarily at the VIP cocktail party at the Four Seasons Hotel Miami celebrating the launch of the collaboration between Romero Britto and Antonio Dominguez de Haro. The party (7:30-10p.m.) is private, but the exhibition will be on public view through early next year.

Nick Murphy (Chet Faker) & Mount Kimbie Live: Nick Murphy, the Australian singer/songwriter formerly known as Chet Faker, is headlining the III Points Saturday night series at 9 p.m. at Magic City Studios, 6301 NE 4th Ave. Electronic duo Mount Kimbie, who is said to be responsible for creating post-dubstep, will be closing the evening. Tickets are available at https://www.showclix.com/event/nick-murphy-chet-faker-art-basel-123/listing. 

Blender 3 feat. David Squillace at Wall Miami: DJ/producer David Squillace brings the third installment of Blender, which, they say, “re-thinks and re-stages the club experience merging dance music, design technology and contemporary arts,” to Wall for one night only. Open to the public. Call 305-938-3130 or go to wallmiami.com.

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Chloe Wise Birthday Dinner and Performance: You need know nothing about art other than the fact that NYC-based artist Chloe Wise created this ingenious Bread Bag, aka Bagel #5, a starchy satire of the classic Chanel. Wise, who is definitely living up to her name, will celebrate her birthday at a private dinner where her irregular tampons may or may not make a cameo.

Sessions 33 1/3 at 305 Brews: Not really Art Basel related, but still very artistic, jazz musician Damian J. Sanchez will celebrate the release of his debut recording with a performance at 305 Brews, 3535 NW 2nd Ave. Showtime is  8 p.m. and there’s no cover.

Tale of Us Presents Afterlife: Another III Points show stopper, this one at The Factory at Magic City Studios, 6301 NE 4th Ave. with Space Ibiza’s trippy Afterlife, the innovative event from Berlin based duo Tale Of Us, whose inaugural Art Basel appearance wil feature, among others, the delightfully named Thugfucker, and is said to “blend the duo’s expertly crafted Berlin sound with art and creative originality, transforming the Factory at Magic City Warehouse into Afterlife’s ‘realm of consciousness.'” Got that? Get it at https://madmimi.com/signups/273795/join.

Markowicz Fine Art Artist Cocktail Reception: Free and open to the public, this one from 7 p.m. to 10 p.m. will feature the gallery’s featured artists, KAI, Richard Orlinski, Formento & Formento, Arnaud and Carole Feuerman. 110 NE 40th St. RSVP to RCastro@thedanaagency.com.

Sunday, December 4

Breakfast in the Park: This one is completely free. F. R. E. E. Thanks to the Patricia and Phillip Frost Art Museum, this free breakfast in the sculpture park will feature guest lecturer, artist Judy Pfaff, a pioneer of installation art. Because it’s free, RSVP is a must at https://fiu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_8kVQ2pEl8KStZ9r.  9:30 a.m. to noon. 10975 S.W. 17th Street.

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The Standard & Jeremyville’s Lazy Sunday BBQ Basel Edition: A whimsical way to spend a Sunday afternoon if you can wrangle in.

Acid Sundays Art Basel Edition:Ibiza gender bending fave Acid Sundays comes to The Factory at Magic City. In edition to the party’s brainchild Acid Pauli, special guests include Sinopoli, Clara Brea and Guy Laliberte. And though it’s the very last day of Art Basel, who says you can’t party like it’s the end of the world? It may be anyway. Go nuts. Party starts at 2 p.m. and ends at 5 a.m. Monday. Work? Meh. Overrated. Tickets are available at https://www.showclix.com/event/acid-sundays-w-acid-pauli-art-basel-miami-2016. 

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2 thoughts on “Basel Tov Cocktails: The Selectively Unabridged Guide to Art Basel Miami Parties & Assorted Distractions

  1. Pingback: The Ultimate Guide to Art Basel | IMAGERY's BLOG

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