Ex South Beach club owners have a jet setty new traveling hot spot that won’t turn up in the U.S. until Trump’s gone #MAGA #MAFA #HOME


The owners of South Beach halcyon-era celebrity haunt B.E.D. ( Beverage. Entertainment. Dining), the place where, on any given night you could spot Jay Z, Beyonce, Britney Spears, Diddy/Daddy/Puffy, Justin Timberlake , Cameron Diaz , Leonardo DiCaprio, or Pitbull lounging on a bed next to you, have opened a new club far, far away from the South Beach sandbox.

It’s called HOME, and there is no place like it. Literally. That’s because it isn’t in a single location. Members pay 5,000 Euro a year to join. Membership is limited to 2000 members, and that covers “Top Shelf Everything.” So many questions here, including why EURO and not dollars, but we’ll get to that in a minute.

So what and where is HOME? Four times a year, you and your lucky plus one will be met at an appointed location and transported via chartered flight and limousine to a certain party where your money’s no good because you already paid for everything in your membership. That’s right, it’s all inclusive, from top-shelf cocktails, Grand Cru wines and 24-year old whiskey, to chef-prepared haute cuisine.

Wherever you are, you will party to world-renowned DJs and live entertainment by global entertainers in a club designed and built for the one-time occasion. 24 hours later you are brought back to reality by chartered plane and limo to same spot where you were picked up.

“Everybody is going huge and public, we are going small and private. it’s a party with our friends. It’s a HOME party! says Helen Clarke, HOME ‘s Social Secretary. “While we love the big EDM festivals, we also miss the intimacy of small clubs and decided to take this concept, and more importantly, the quality, to its absolute extreme. The motto of the club is Oscar Wilde’s bon mot: ‘I have very simple tastes, I require only the best.’

But here’s the rub and reason for the Euros: HOME is not where America is. MAGA, not so much. “Neither Miami nor any American cities are in their plans for the next 4-8 years, earlier if Trump is arrested,” Clarke said. “I’m not kidding. This is the reason they are NOT making plans for American parties.”

HOME’s founder and former BED owner Oliver Hoyos softened the blow, saying the blacklisting of America “Wasn’t a unanimous decision,” but they do choose locations based on the members’ preferences and several already made the request to avoid America until the tangerine turd hijacking the White House is locked up, long gone, or a reasonable facsimile thereof.

Most of HOME’s charter members are European and the history of fascism has not faded. They have seen this farce before and to no good consequence for a continent. HOME, however, does aspire to return to the United States when they MAFA–Make America Fun Again–and when that happens, we can expect a real global party, with crowds that Persimmon Pol Pot could only conjure in his delusions or his administration’s inevitable demise.


Stormy Daniels takes her talents to SoFlo with This Pussy Grabs Back, Mr. President ‘world tour’


The porn star bangs the future President of the United States. The future POTUS has his crooked lawyer pay her $130,000 to silence her before the fateful day when he actually became POTUS (Thanks, Russia! Thanks uneducated people!). When the future POTUS’s payment goes awol with his tax returns, said porn star threatens to go public with the story. She gets her money. From his lawyer’s own deep pockets. And now she is suing the POTUS anyway because the future POTUS, aka “David Dennison” never signed the nondisclosure agreement that silenced the porn star, aka “Peggy Peterson,” aka “Stormy Daniels, “aka Stephanie Clifford. Got it? Good.

So now that Daniels is going, um, balls to the wall with her stories, she is also going on tour–of some of the country’s most deluxe strip clubs including Pompano Beach’s Solid Gold where on Friday, March 9, she will officially launch her “This Pussy Grabs Back, Mr. President” world tour with two nights at the club and an auction of the dress she wore the night of one of her trysts with Trump that is–wait for it–allegedly stained. Is it blue? That you have to go and see for yourself. Oh, and a portion of the proceeds will go to, get this, the Me Too movement, because, well, it’s 2018 and here’s where we’re at. So what’s Stormy doing there besides basking in the afterglow and her ability to silence Trump in a way only his puppet master Putin can?

The Putin with a puss “will be performing on stage, doing a Q&A and auctioning the dress at midnight,” says an event organizer.

“Performing.” And as viral as this all is, the POTUS remains mute about the whole thing, Ted Cruz ignores it in favor of tax cuts and extremist judges and PR Newswire, which distributes press releases to news organizations on everything from sex toys and condoms to booze, business, NASA and urology, won’t touch it with a rubber glove because, as they told the event organizers, “PR Newswire has let us know there is nothing that can be done to make this topic suitable for the wire, as they’d said it’s too controversial a topic for PR Newswire’s services.”

So who’s the real pussy here?



The art of noise: hear Paris Hilton “sing” at #ArtBasel


While Duran Duran showed their musical prowess, Paris Hilton showed, um, her zest for life, closing out Art Basel with her annual party at WALL Miami accompanied boyfriend and biggest fan,  Chris Zylka.

At 2:30am, the heiress turned DJ gave the crowd an exclusive listen of her upcoming new, um, single “Summer Reign” as her devoted beau sang every lyric (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!) and cheered on like the PH fan club prez he is.

Duran Duran crushes private SiriusXM show in Miami


It was 1982 all over again last night at the Faena Theater on Miami Beach when Duran Duran performed a special invitation-only concert for SiriusXM listeners. The 56-year-old Simon LeBon, 57-year-old John Taylor, 57-year-old Roger Taylor and the baby of the group, 55-year-old Nick Rhodes, showed no signs of slowing down as they crushed through a sweaty two-hour performance of their greatest hits (Rio, Hungry Like the Wolf, No Ordinary World, and more) and songs from their most recent, Top 10 charting studio album, Paper Gods. Mark Ronson joined Duran Duran on stage for a special performance of Pressure Off and Uptown Funk. The show aired live Saturday night via satellite on SiriusXM’s The Pulse (ch. 15) and1st Wave (ch. 33) channels.

Spotted up in the balcony were Matthew McConaughey, who put on sunglasses before the show started just in case the effects were too blinding, his wife Camila Alves, actor Gerard Butler, and downstairs, a cast member of The Real Housewives of NYC, Luann DeLesseps, in dire need of a cocktail, she said.

Duranies were in heaven and those who didn’t worship the glam, new wave band back in the day may have found themselves doing so last night. LeBon kept things light, though he did make fun of Trump at one point, saying to the band, “I went there” to the tune of boos from the audience upon the mention of that man.

Otherwise, it was all about the band in their heyday, with LeBon waxing nostalgic on the mythical 80s giving way to the 90s and showing their relevancy with Ronson in the 2017s. Not an easy task to do, but despite a few lines and extra pounds, the boys even managed to make the now retro Nagel picture of their Rio days seem rather current and not just a relic hearkening back to better days of music and life in general before things like satellite radio stations gave people like Steve Bannon their own channels.

Videos of the performance are available here:




Dimitrios Kambouris

Art lovers got to see Scott Disick make out with his teen girlfriend Sofia Richie

Getty Images for DuJour
It wasn’t quite performance art, but it sure was a performance when ex Kardashian spawn-maker Scott Disick was seen sucking face with his teenage girlfriend, Lionel’s daughter and model Sofia Richie at The Confidante Hotel for the DuJour magazine/WellNEST Art Week Miami kickoff party celebrating DuJour cover model Richie. Although there were 700 people there, they all seemed to focus on the couple who were seen “chatting and kissing” throughout the night. If you looked away from that site, you would have also seen Karolina Kurková, Paul Shaffer, Michael Bay, Christian Acosta, Sammy Sosa, Jeff Gordon,and more you’d probably have to Google. But you couldn’t look away, you know you couldn’t. Lionel, hello?

The #MeToo Movement makes it to #ArtBasel

While Leonardo DiCaprio was busy making his way through Wall with his 40+ mostly female entourage, actors Tara Subkoff, Selma Blair and Caroline Vreeland were busy making statements at The Miami Beach EDITION for The Hole Gallery’s “Synaptic Fatigue/Dear in the Headlights” performance piece featuring 15 other women to the tune of opera singer Rebecca Ringle who sang live during the hour-long show.

The performance included multiple female performers managing to stay in one moment the duration of 60 minutes simultaneously, holding their emotional state — sadness, anger, pain, joy, confusion, rage, laughter. Each performer latched onto a specific time in which they have suffered some aspect of abuse or being treated unfairly by men personally or in the workplace.
This piece was made and dedicated to the present moment shedding light on how much inequality, inhumane and disgraceful actions are inflicted upon women.
In other news, DiCaprio partied on.

Art Basel Miami in the era of Trump and Harvey Weinstein



Last year, it was the Zika virus that caused a slight downturn in attendance during what was once Miami’s most anticipated week of pretentiousness, art, things posing as art, people posing as art people, sponsored parties on every corner, and, of course, celebs. But people bought art. And that’s really what Art Basel is supposed to be about. People who can afford to buy art will buy art no matter who is spinning in Wynwood (see: Bjork). But Art Basel Miami–er, Miami Beach isn’t really about that anymore after the greed is good types got their hands on it and turned it into a grotesque, corporate mutation of swill and swillers, an amalgam of freeloaders, phonies and grifters.

Just ask GQ, which, in July, listed Art Basel Miami Beach as one of the 10 Worst Parties in America.  But despite the fact that, yes, “the thing has bloated into a whole series of satellite fairs and branded “art” events that are attached to it like barnacles,” we’re afraid that’s the least of 2017’s concerns. There’s that orange blob in the Oval Office that has nothing to do with art and everything to do with people not wanting to travel to the United States. The “Trump Slump,” The “Trump Tourism Effect,” or, more timely, the Zika Virus of Politics has absolutely affected people’s desires to come to the US for anything, never mind for Art Basel Miami Beach.

According to London’s World Travel Market (WTM), which polled nearly 3,000 travel trade executives, more than a quarter (27 percent) of Brits say they are less likely to visit the United States while Donald Trump is president. Same goes for citizens of pretty much every country in the world, who say they’d rather go to Canada than the United States as long as the Persimmon Pol Pot remains in the White House. The number of international tourists traveling to the US plummeted nearly 4 percent in the first six months of 2017 compared with the same period in 2016, according to data from the U.S. Department of Commerce National Travel and Tourism Office in Washington. But wait, it gets worse!

Enter Harvey Weinstein in his white robe. Shudder. With the wave in accusations of sexual harassers and with the recent resignation of the art world’s power player, Artforum publisher Knight Landesman for allegedly sexually harassing at least 9 women, and more recently, Russell Simmons, who abruptly canceled his annual RUSH Philanthropic Art Basel Miami event because, according to an official word, ahem, “they couldn’t get the space together in time,” the sexually charged Art Basel Miami Beach may be sporting a chastity belt, which may actually hinder the appearance of certain horny celebrities who use Art Basel as their sexual stomping grounds. We can’t confirm that just yet and we’re not accusing anyone of anything yet, but you think all the celebs who come down here just come for photo ops and free champagne? Think again. But the celeb’s Art Basel nightstalking square footage will likely be dramatically reduced.

According to one publicist who asked to remain anonymous, there aren’t going to be that many parties this year. “This year’s Art Basel definitely has less parties than the past,” said the flak, who added that hotel room rates are still going for outrageous fortunes, but aren’t nearly as booked as early as they used to be.

In fact, another publicist has been reaching out to people as late as last week looking to fill up a still empty hotel with people and parties. Said hotel is usually sold out by now and command central for the chic elite.

With just a month away, Art Basel may actually end up being what it originally started as: a prestigious art fair for rich folks, many of whom don’t even come to buy the art and even more who shun parties and publicity. Stay tuned.

Update 11//27/17

With Art Basel just about a week away, we hate to say it, but we told you so. Sure, there’s Duran Duran doing a private SiriusXM subscriber event Saturday at Faena a la last year’s Bon Jovi show,  Bjork doing a DJ set at 9 p.m. Tuesday, December 5 at Mana Wynwood as part of III Points’ Art Basel lineup, which also includes a performance at 9 p.m. Saturday by Wu Tang Clan, 50 Cent hosting a Rolling Stone Live event Saturday at the Basel House Mural Festival, and a few private dinners including one on Wednesday with Cindy Crawford, co-hosted by Eduardo Cosentino, CEO of Cosentino North America at the  TATEL Miami along with one of our own personal picks for Time’s Person of the Year 2017, Chef José Andrés in celebration of the supermodel’s collaboration with Silestone countertops (!), but meh. Just meh. Oh, and Paris–yawn–Hilton at the W. Again. And none of it stops people like the ubiquitous DJ Khaled, who will try to top his infant son and celebrate his own birthday (only 42?!) Sunday, December 10 at LIV with a closing party following a lineup at LIV and sibling Story that includes DiploZEDDAfrojack, and Loco Dice. 

As for the big stars? Who knows, but one publicist told us on condition of anonymity she advises her boldfaced clients to stay away.

“We can’t afford a PR disaster if some woman or girl one of our clients decided to pick up at a club on South Beach or even take a selfie with comes out after and accuses them of sexual harassment. We know girls go to Miami in droves during Art Basel to dig for gold. We don’t need that kind of press right now.”

This could be good news for the true art buyers and sellers who actually go to Art Basel for its intended purpose and who scorn the Kardashification of the event. We shall see.